Julie Baretz is a licensed tour guide who lives with her family in Jerusalem.

October 15, 2000

Life in Israel the past two weeks has been very difficult, both on a national and a personal level. I couldn't help thinking, however, as I sweated my way through the Tuesday morning exercise class at the YMCA, how strange it was to be stepping to the beat while a national crisis was going on outside. On the face of things, our daily routines in Israel have barely changed. My husband goes to work, the kids go to school, and we shop at the supermarket, decorate our sukkah and celebrate the holiday at home and with friends. Apart from avoiding crowded venues in fear of a terrorist incident, life is pretty much business-as-usual for us. But on a deeper level it is impossible to ignore the implications of the current events. What lies ahead of us? Will there be a breakthrough with the Palestinians, or will the conflict spiral into more violence?

Perhaps one of the most obvious fruits of the peace process thus far has been the tremendous surge in tourism to Israel. Jews and Christians have been flooding the country, no doubt thanks to the Pope's visit here last March and the millennium celebrations, but largely because it has been quiet in Israel for some time. For those of us who earn our livelihood from tourism, 2000 has been a banner year, until now. Hotels were overbooked, travel agents could not stay on top of the reservations and tour guides were working back-to-back, without coming up for air for weeks.

As a former American living in Israel for fifteen years and working as a guide for thirteen, things had never looked better. For years tourism has been an unreliable source of income, subject to the ups and downs of the regional political situation. The Intifada, the Gulf War, the bus bombings all catapulted us backward to days when work was hard to come by and the prospects weren't promising because Israel looked too dangerous to visit. Nonetheless, to work in tourism one needs nerves of steel. Bookings can be promising but we never make long-term plans because things can change in an instant. Will I be able to take a trip abroad next summer, or will I have to wait until the last minute to see if a group comes up? Can I take out a mortgage to buy a new house based on last year's income, or will I suddenly find myself out of work and not able to make the payments? Although we try to brace ourselves for the next downfall, it is always just as disappointing as the last time.

The natural reaction is to look for another job - something more secure, unaffected by the political situation - and there have been times when I read the want ads regularly. But I was never able to find something as remotely appealing as guiding. The adrenaline rush from the focus of attention, the flexibility of an independent contractor and the opportunity to change and influence hundreds of people's perceptions of Israel are what make guiding so appealing to me This is what I was meant to do - for better or for worse.

And right now it appears to be for the worse. My over-stuffed busloads for October and November will surely thin down to a few handfuls of tourists, if they come at all. Long-awaited plans to renovate and expand our house will no doubt be put on hold. As weathered as I am, the tension still permeates my day-to-day existence. I snap a lot at everyone, have no appetite for socializing, find it hard to concentrate and seem to need more sleep than ever. I've tried to convince myself that perhaps the only consolation of being unemployed is that I'll finally have time to write that book I've been planning

On the occasion of an earlier crisis my brother in New York remarked to me that if he lived in Israel, he would pick up and leave. As an American citizen with much family in the States, returning to New York is always a theoretical option for me. However, it is one I have never considered, even in the worst of times. I came to build my life in Israel fully aware of the volatile nature of its existence, empowered by the idea that I could leave my mark on this work in progress. To bail out in hard times would be to void any contribution I might ever be enabled to make here. To remain despite the difficulties is to genuinely share in the triumphs we have seen thus far and those that are sure to come.

Much to my surprise, my next group is arriving on schedule in a few days time. Although the fact of their arrival is surely encouraging, I will no doubt greet them with some anxiety. Can I guide them around as if all is well when I know it really is not? Can I visit in areas under Palestinian control, such as Bethlehem and Jericho, without fearing for my personal safely as an Israeli?

Can I convince them what a wonderful place Israel is when I have my doubts about that at the moment? Perhaps the only heartening thought is that Israel is a nation, which aspires to peace, and that the grandstand is full of supporters cheering us on in our efforts. Ultimately, peace will prevail. Hopefully, it will be soon.